and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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