But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
