We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's just like the Real World with babies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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