And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
