im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
