So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
