I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
