She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
