my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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