I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
