Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
