if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
