I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
