she smelled like a LAN party
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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