come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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