Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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