well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
