Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
