i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
