he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
