She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
