I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
