I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
