Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
