i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
