I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
