Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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