He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
