I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
