Got a toothbrush?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
