3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
