Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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