im about as happy as oj after his trial
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
