Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
