a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
