There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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