you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
BRING THE BAGELS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
