You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
