u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
