I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
