dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
