I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
