...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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