Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
