Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize