girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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