Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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