who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
