I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
