it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she told me i tasted like america
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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