How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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