Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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