I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
