so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
