we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All the doctor said was why
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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