dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
