it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
