Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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