Your face is a jimmy john
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
