I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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