Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
