Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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