She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
