The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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