When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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