I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
