Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
