he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
